No time to write, just to plagiarize

No commentary today, just content. In no particular order.

(Mark and Mario drive by a girl lighting up a cigarette)
Mario: (emits what can only be described as a coo)
Mark: is that your favorite brand?
Mario: nope, just a cigarette...I'm kinda quitting
Mark: when are you starting up again?
Mario: as soon as I find my ID
...
Necessary background: there's a pull-up bar on our door. To come in, you must first do eight pull-ups or thirty push-ups. We figured this would make us more healthy/in shape.
...
Mario: the bar on our door is making my smoking habits worse. I have to smoke before I go into the room, because I don't know when I'll risk coming out again
Mark: yea, same with food. Being healthy is making us fat and prime suspects for cancer

(funny when out of context)
Mario (after taking a while to find a book that was right in front of him): I find things in five seconds whether it's a man in a stack of beans or a book in my face

(getting it done, in the general rather than specific definition of the word 'it')
Ben: no, I'm actually more likely to get things done when I'm busy than when I'm not doing anything

(we're around kids, gotta keep it clean)
Ben: I didn't know [I'd rather not offend that person, so insert your own name here] was gay
Mark: I didn't either. But then I woke up one day...and he was

Ben: I didn't know [ditto] was straight
Mark: I didn't know either. But then I woke up one day...and he was

(Concerning the above: don't want to be prejudiced for one version or the other just because one happened and one didn't)

I'm kind of starting to worry about Mario's relatives. I made cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving dinner, and they actually ate it. They currently plead temporary insanity, but in my book - temporarily insane once -> temporarily insane forever.

Tip of the day: cold showers are really really cold. Don't be a hero.

(Mario's talking about penguins, Daniel comes in)
Mario: they swim like forty miles an hour
Daniel: chickens?
Mario: uh...yea, if a penguin's pulling them

(about Chinese people, and why there's so many of them)
Mario: well they have reincarnation over there, don't they?

(talking about what going Dutch means)
Mario: what is it when the girl pays for everything? Is there a word for that?
Mark: yea, a keeper