Camp

More nonsensical letters:

Hey Michelle,

First of all, you should know better than to call me before 3PM. At my age I need my sleep. If you don't want to wake me up, please call between the hours of 6PM and 7PM.

I'm still in Boston, though I've been alone most of the time starting 15 minutes ago. Everyone here is in paid slavery from 9 to 5. Booooring. It's Chun's first day today. She has mandatory orientation, something like that punishment in school where you write nonsense on the board 50 times:

"This hospital was built in 1874. 70% of the people who've attended this hospital are now dead. 80% of new employees experience acute depression, anxiety, migraines, vomiting, and jumping-out-of-windows tendencies...blah blah blah."

While she's away, I've been sitting in the apartment yelling "Ah Ah Ah, Ee Ee Ee, Oh Oh Oh, sss, sss, sss, SSS! SSS! SSS!" at the top of my lungs, after/along with my virtual singing teacher. There have been no complaints so far, so perhaps what sounds to me like nails across a blackboard really sounds like angelic choirs of Robert Plant clones.

Surprise! Chun's going to write to you too! The next paragraph or three are from her. Not to put her on the spot, but she has the funniest, most interesting stuff to say to you. I hope you're as excited as I am to see if she can live up to the pressure.

Later, gator
Mark "Too Good To Be True" Vayngrib

Hi Michelle!

This is Chun, not Mark. I started work today. It was pretty wonderful, but if it doesn't get a whole lot more wonderful fast, I might have to throw myself off the roof. Hopefully it'll be a 1-story building. Mark's been wonderful so far, but surely you know how amazing he is. Let me just say that twice more: Mark is soooo amazing. AMAZING! OK, calm...calm...breathe...Ommmmm. Phew! OK...I'm trying to think of other stuff to say, but all I can think about is how great Mark is...hmm...bye I guess.

Just kidding, it's Mark again. Chun will send you a letter via mail.

See ya soon,
Mark "Sometimes Also Chun" Vayngrib

Boston

Took the Greyhound into Boston yesterday. I took the window seat though I usually much prefer the aisle, and paid dearly for not sticking to my preferences. A fat lady composed of equal parts cosmetics and irrationality sat down next to me, and scolded me during the next 4 1/2 hours about me encroaching on her personal space. I was not permitted to so much as hang a momentary elbow over her territory. She would close her eyes now and then for long stretches of time, and I would relax and not realize the first eleven times that it was a cunning trap that ended in harsh words and stern looks expressing strong doubts as to whether I was raised in civilization or in a jungle on planet Traflamadore.

The reception in Boston was regal in Oriental style #1: authentic Chinese food, Americanized Chinese women, and a big apartment to experience everything. Foolishly imagining this reception would stretch past the door to the apartment, I made the mistake of walking over to one of the local MIT zoos to experience some other people from my good old college days. Instead of chocolate and extensive praise, I received the slightly less entertaining sight of people weighing themselves on the Wii Fit for an hour and a half and having the gall to pretend they were actually having fun.

Today we (myself and fans) are going to dine at India Quality (Good Taste Chinese anyone?), and then see The Dark Knight. I'm expecting a great Joker. Heath Ledger may be dead, but that doesn't mean I'm cutting him an inch of slack. It just means he won't be able to defend himself when I give him a scathing review.